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candles

candles (Photo credit: rogerglenn)

When most of the families gather together enjoy the holidays, there are families in Newtown CT and New York sorrow for their lost. People might blame the system not able to control or deal with the mental illness like this frustrated mom http://gawker.com/5968818/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother But are there any other options?

I like to watch a couple of TV shows on the Animal Planet channel. One is “My Cat from Hell“, the other called “Me or My Dog” The cat behaviorist said there are no cat’s problem he can’t fix, even some of the pet owners have reach their limits and they are thinking their last choice of putting the pet down. At the end of teach episode, seem all pets owners and pets are happy, If the obvious mental challenge pet can be fixed, why they need to rely on medication or lock-up in jail or hospitalization for human? Why can they use some behaviour analysis or environmental change to mild down the mental problems? In the article above the mother bring out a drama about her son throw a big tantrum on following the school dress code and she won’t want to take back the punishment right after he apologized. She mention he was threatening to kill himself or his mother. And she took him straight to the mental hospital and ask them to call the cop. Um I remember many times my kids throw tantrum and my husband warning them about seeing psychologist. Or they complain they have no life when we ask them to practice their instruments. But I know in my heart that my kids are not crazy and yet they are so brilliant that their teachers have some hard time to keep up with them. We never take either of them to the mental hospital or psychologist. And most of time they calm down after a while and do their chore or practice. They know that is the best for everyone. If your kid really are gifted and has mental problem why stick with the punishment to make the situation worse? If you know his reaction is extreme why keep pushing the button? In the animal shows the experts never try to change the cats or dogs, they always find something wrong with the way the pet owner treat their pets, hurting them emotionally or physically even they don’t intend to. Just think how scared was the kid when his mother drove him to the mental hospital and he screamed, ” Don’t send me to hell!!!” Which kid will behave good all the time. Even my daughter is advanced on almost every subjects in school and instruments she learned, I still encounter bad tantrums from her or even swear on some occasions. I deal with my children differently when they don’t listen. For my very opinionated daughter I give her the option to choose when to do what, and let her feel she is in control of the situation. For my stubborn son I break down the chore in small amount and lure him to do just a little more and throw appraise here and there to make him feel the achievement. If it ‘s not working then I will take their privilege away. They know that they better listen when I still in good mood otherwise I might be harder to handle than them. Sometime I give in after they soften down, sometime I stick with the punishment. Each kid and each scenario is different, been strict like the Tiger Mom does not always work. I want them get things done I also want them to love me and always share their thought with me. If even deal with normal kids requires some strategy and management skill, how can you just apply strict rule and push them when they already have problem. My kids are not always behave in home but they are always well behave in public. They were the only kids allow to perform and record with adults in the local club. My son went alone to a language camp for a week when he was 7. People asked me how I train them to help me, the disabled mom and listen so well. Um, it’s not so peaceful in home but they know if they want to play video game in the rest day, go to friends house, or even go to a movie, they better get things done quickly and make me happy. a cranky mom is just as bad as a kids with tantrum. No I didn’t ask them practice 5 hours a day, I didn’t lock them up in home without sleep overs, I encourage them to participate in school play, volunteer, teach or even start a charity. I didn’t give up when they popped up the words like I hate you, or I want to kill myself. They are just words, when they get emotional they are not logical to avoid bad words. The min thing to do is calm them down when they are upset so you can put some logic in their mind. I am not always able to keep myself calm, but when you push too far even a normal kid will go crazy.

I don’t see the pet experts suggest mental medicine to a cat or dog why we always push to get them for our kids. If there are no bad dog or bad cat but just a behaviour cause by the physical pain or misunderstanding, why can we think of the same way to the kids with mental problem. They might never change because lack of some chemical in their brain that didn’t mean we can’t alter our method to deal with them and keep them away from trouble. For one thing, why keep a gun in home when you are a teacher and you know your kid get some problems already. And why drive the kid straight to mental hospital after he apologized even the good behaviour don’t last long. They never see an option how can they think logically. There are times when my children both arguing and screaming out of control and my husband would sigh, ” Our family is falling apart !” No, that’s the moment I have to wake myself up from yelling back. If I can’t I am pushing the family apart. And there are a couple times my neighbour thought I am crazy because of the yelling. Look back can you swear you never yell at your kid? I am learning along as the kids grow, loosen or tighten the leash on the way and sure in my heart they wont be on drug or bring a gun to kill someone. If a demonic cat can turn into a sweetie after a few adjustment, there must be a way to deal with human with mental illness before bring out the medication  or lock them up, don’t you think so?

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